Lady Friends
There is a special bond between women, one that over the years I have never tried to understand or explain, it is just something that brings me so much joy I’d rather not over analyze it. My female friendships mean everything to me, my girlfriends are the rays of sunshine in my life. What made me think about how much I value and appreciate my ladies this week, is a little book club that one of my friends started. There are three of us amazing, single ladies who are just trying to sort out our relationship shit so we can attract loving, dedicated partners into our lives. My friend Lisa brought us together to read the book “Calling in the One” by Katherine Woodward Thomas. The book is a 7-week guide to unpacking, rebuilding, and letting go of old relationship patterns and redefining how you show up for yourself in life so you can remove the invisible barriers that are keeping you from attracting meaningful partnerships. There are activities to complete individually and book club / group discussion questions that follow each week’s readings.
This evening will be the third convening of our book club, we each contribute to bringing a light, healthy dish and take turns sharing the responsibility of the main course. There is wine, dessert, and rich discussion. We are thoughtful, vulnerable, honest, and open about our deep wounds and our healing journeys. What I find most meaningful, is we each have had our own unique experiences along our relationship journeys, yet there are shared emotional experiences that we each relate to, the common experience of heartache, pain, joy, and fierce independence.
When I reflect back on my life in this middle age (getting close to half a century!), with all of life’s ups and downs, the most consistent thing has been my friendships. Friends that I’ve kept since childhood, friends I’ve had since college, my best friend and I met in my first-year teaching and it’s been more than 20 years now (she is my sister from another mother)!
One of the puzzling questions my book club ladies and I were pondering last week was; how are we able to maintain healthy, beneficial, lifelong friendships with women, but struggle to find the same kind of connection and longevity with male partners? Hmmmm, perhaps the coming chapters in our book will help us dive deeper into this experience.
What comes to mind for me in this moment, is that my female friendships involve fierce connections. There is an intimacy to our conversations, a commitment to personal growth, and a desire to be there for one another no matter the circumstances. My female relationships are selfless, there are no ulterior motives. My friendships involve a mutual give and take, where I’ve noticed a pattern in previous romantic relationships where I give, and my partner takes and doesn’t seem to give back as richly. I never feel my genuine kindness is taken advantage of in my friendships and I trust 100% that my friends will show up for me whenever I need them to, which also hasn’t always been my experience in romantic relationships.
I’m looking forward to my evening with the ladies tonight, to see where our conversations take us. To share more of our stories and insights we’ve gained about ourselves and each other as we navigate this process of unpacking our relationship pasts so that we can have promising future connections.
Take a moment to reflect on the meaningful friendships you have in your life. What are the key characteristics and shared experiences that keep your friendships alive and well? What do you love and appreciate most about your friends? Find a pen and some paper and write your best friend(s) a letter. In your letter, express your sincere gratitude for who they are and whatever it is about them that you love the most!
